I have been thinking about posting this thought since...well ugh...Memorial Day.
I have a strong opinion about Memorial day. I think it is the perfect day to remember and recognize our soldiers who have lost their lives in the line of duty, as well as recognize those that have survived and are serving. I do not, however feel that we should feel obligated to grieve publicly for our own losses on that day.
Mothers who have lost children grieve for their lost children the other 364 days of the year, and should not feel obligated to go to the grave, etc., that day.
I have a good friend who lost her son 18 years ago. She has since moved away from where he is buried. She was feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt for not being able to visit him or decorate his grave on Memorial Day. But he is not there. He is with her, where ever she is. Her son loves her and knows that she loves him. I am sure he does not care if she is able to drive the several hours it would take for her to put flowers on his grave. We all put flowers and decorations on our childrens' graves everyday in our broken hearts.
On the flip side, I did not plan to go to Andrew's grave on Memorial Day this year. However, I was in the area of the cemetary, and had about an hour until I was supposed to meet my husband and son at the movie theater. I did not want to waste the gas to drive home and back, so I decided to visit Andrew's grave. When I got there, the cemetary must have conducted a cemetary clean up and his grave was void of any decorations. I do feel a sense of guilt, or dissapointmet, when his grave isn't decorated. I know Andrew doesn't care, but in a way, I don't want him to think I have forgotten him or put him on the back burner. And yet, I know he hears my every thought, and knows the grief in my heart.
Andrew knows I think of him all 365 days of the year, all 24 hours of every day, all 60 minutes of every hour, and all 60 seconds of every minute.
And if I don't decorate his grave on Memorial Day, because someone says that is what I am supposed to do, I should not feel guilty, and I do not love my son any less.
I don't usually rant, and I hope this doesn't sound like such.
So mothers, grieve when you want to greive, and how you wnt to grieve. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.