Friday, March 19, 2010

Thank you

My memories after the funeral are so limited. I am struggling to recall any given moment. I remember the “hustle and bustle” being over and having the feeling of “now what?” I remember moving to the basement at Greg’s mom’s house and staying in the dark, sleeping. I didn’t know what to do with the rest of my life. Would someone please tell me what I am supposed to do in this situation, so I can please move on to the next phase of my life?

I remember sitting at my mom’s house, on the couch, while my sister wrote the thank you notes for everyone on “my side.” She was more than happy to do them for everyone on “both sides” but Greg felt this was impersonal and thankfully declined. He said that he would do them himself. I knew that I didn’t have the mental capacity to do the thank you notes in the appropriate time frame, if ever at all. I remember wondering if people would be upset if they found out that I didn’t write the notes. I was so grateful for everyone’s generosity. I wanted them to be sure to know how grateful I was. If not for my sister, they would never know. So at the risk of someone thinking I was a slacker, I let my sister write the notes. I know we talked and shared memories of Andrew, but truthfully, I remember mostly nothing from this time.

My sister asked me if I remembered my dad telling me that he didn’t think that it was appropriate for us to use the left-over money that was donated to us to go out to nice dinners. I don’t recall this conversation, but I am sure that my thinking was I feel terrible and if a nice dinner makes me feel better then I am sure it is ok. I wonder, now, if someone may have donated to us, then saw us out eating, and thought, “Well, I guess that is how they are squandering my generous donation.” So I would like to publicly apologize to anyone that may have been offended. The money lifted so many burdens at that time. Between insurance and donations we were able to pay for the entire funeral, pay past due bills, and have some money to live on while I took a leave from work. We were and are eternally grateful.

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